Plywood and Cheese
by xStormyx
Summary: Edgeworth is still haunted by some details of Rise from the Ashes... Let's see what happens when he indulges in a little too much French food courtesy of Maya . Very strange.


"You cannot fulfil the von Karma creed if you cannot do this simple thing!!" snapped Manfred von Karma glaring at Edgeworth in such a killer way that if looks could kill, the young prosecutor would have perished on the spot. The latter was trying to tower over a 27 year old Miles which proved to be difficult as his adopted son had now outgrown him.

"B-but…" Miles stammered, almost cowering.

"No BUTS!!!" roared Manfred almost deafening him. "Now get over there and dance!! PERFECTLY!!" Miles looked toward where his 'father' was pointing to see a petite Franziska smirking at him before turning back to von Karma who suddenly seemed to have grown several feet taller. What was going on!? What was his adopted father doing out of prison?? Had he escaped simply to torture Miles into _dancing_? "NOW!!"

Miles almost jumped out of his skin before sighing in defeat and taking tiny steps toward Franziska, his head bowed.

"Chin up boy!" Manfred snarled and Miles hurried to comply. "Shoulders straight!"

Miles almost ran to Franziska in order to get this ordeal over with only to find the Blue Badger standing where she had been. He looked around him to find nothing but blackness surrounding him and he glanced back at Manfred, frightened.

"Go on, boy!!"

Edgeworth turned around to look down at the Blue Badger in trepidation… only to find he was now at face level with the monster. He gasped, drawing back in shock, unable to take much more of this insanity but was pushed forward by the elder prosecutor. He stumbled forward into the blue plywood and as his hands rose to stop himself toppling over, he was horrified to see not the large hands of a grown man but the tiny paws of a child. Before he could draw his hands back and inspect himself, they seemed to glue themselves to the Blue Badger who began to dance away and the torturous melody filled his ears drowning out his protests. And then, lyrics rode the music;

"That's it, boy," Manfred said, the sneer evident in his voice. "That's the way!! Look Franziska, your brother is finally learning…"

"Yes, papa… at last!" she chirped.

"Well, well, what do we have here," Phoenix said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The Demon Prosecutor _dancing_… and with the Police Mascot, no less. What a great way to promote the law, Edgeworth…"

"Hey Edgey man!" Larry's dumbfounded voice took over. "I didn't know you took ballet!!"

"Edgey-pooooo!" Oldbag's shrill voice drowned out the rest. "You never told me you can dance! You-have-to-take-me-some-time, I-know-a-great-place-although-I-have-to-tell-you-I was-thrown-out-simply-because-I-offered-simple-wisdom-on-how-to-improve-the-abysmal-layout-of-the-place-but-you're-a-prosecutor-of-high-standing-and-so-handsome-too-so-I'm-sure-you'll-have-the-influence-to-get-me-back-in-there-after-all-nobody-would-dare-stop-me-if-I-was-with-you-that's-why-I-say…"

He wanted to scream, he wanted to block it out but the Blue Badger leaned forward and kissed him sealing his mouth and his screams were pushed back to the depths they had sprung from and he was forced to listen to the laughs echoing in his ears, getting louder and louder….

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

He fell out of bed sweaty and shaking in a bundle of sheets and darkness. He looked around hysterically searching for the monstrosity that had practically raped him in his dream… and found it staring at him from the doorway like the grim reaper come to steal his soul…

"Edgeworth?" it murmured.

"!!!"

He searched around with his hands for a weapon to destroy the demon now approaching him.

"Edgeworth, what's wrong?" Recognition froze him, as the voice registered in his mind. "You ok? It's Phoenix."

"Wright," Edgeworth croaked out. "Ah, yes… I say… this is an awful time for a visit."

"Um, I live here… remember?"

"Oh…" Edgeworth swallowed, nodding. "That's right."

The attorney in blue watched with a frown as his partner and rival untangled himself from his sheets and straightened up hastily avoiding his eyes. Phoenix felt a smirk form on his face.

"I told you to take it easy on the cheese and wine," Phoenix said and Edgeworth stopped to stare at him only now aware of the throbbing in his head. Suddenly he remembered; Maya and Pearl had returned from a trip abroad and bought back A LOT of cheese for everyone. Edgeworth (who loved Franciscan food, especially their _fromage_) had binged on it like no tomorrow. It had been the wine – it had stripped him of his inhibitions and manners and so he had embarrassed himself by gobbling as much of it as he could… beyond that, he found he couldn't remember much else.

He groaned.

"Yeah…" Phoenix said glancing around at the room. "Nightmares and a hangover, huh?"

"Who said anything about nightmares, Wright?" Miles snapped.

"Oh a _wriggling piece of plywood_ told me…" Phoenix smirked knowingly and Edgeworth glared at him, while mentally searching frantically for something else to talk about. Thankfully, his years in the courtroom, dealing with unpredictable situations, had sharpened his mind.

"Why aren't you in bed?" he demanded taking in the suit Phoenix still seemed to be wearing, although his tie was nowhere to be found.

"I was just going over the case notes for tomorrow's trial." Phoenix said a twinkle in his eyes. "Looking at you now though, I don't think I have to work too hard…"

"Don't get complacent," Edgeworth glowered at the other while kicking himself mentally for allowing himself to get so hammered the night before a trial – and one against Wright too. Suddenly, a sneaking suspicion flowered in his mind and his eyes narrowed. "You didn't happen to get me drunk on purpose did you?"

He waited for Phoenix to deny it vehemently and spout something about the courtroom being a garden of judgement and victories having no flavour when they're unfairly won but was thoroughly surprised and displeased when the attorney simply smirked at him and said, "You'll never know." Edgeworth's eyes widened in shock and, before he could retort, was cut off. "Get some sleep, buddy. Maybe drink a little water to prevent, ah… any _wriggling_ in your sleep. Goodnight."

And he walked out leaving behind a furious Edgeworth vowing to make tomorrow's trial Wright's most difficult and infuriating ever.

_Tomorrow_, he swore childishly staring at the doorframe Phoenix had walked out through with blazing eyes, _I'll make his defence look so bad that it'll be known to stink worse than all the cheese in France put together_.


End file.
